14.02.2011
Today is a special day,
one is valentine's day,
one is Pei Qi's birthday...
After work,
i went to her house.
A big condo that i passed by everyday without visiting the buildings,
very nice and beautiful buildings,
but built in a death end...
wasted...
That day has a thing that bother me all the day,
about her,
maybe due to my wrong explanation the days be4 that day,
everything had ended.
i could say my fault again...
ALL IS MY FAULT!
On the half way the party was celebrating,
i couldn't hold anymore...
i went out,
went to her house...
And unfortunately,
she was not around...
i very anxious,
and i called her many times...
until a voice came out,
not her voice but his friend...
She was outside...
i had no choice...
dropped a msg to her and went back the party...
Half way back...
very jam...
dunno where got accident and got ambulance cross by...
my phone rang...
i took up my phone and i shocked,
a guy's voice...
"hmm...
r u daryl?
i'm her bf...
can u get lost?
can u dun kacau her?
i'm very bo song ler..."
and i ended the call,
but gave polis saw jor...
too late...
all was too late...
stupid tears came out like water pipe,
and the heartbeat suddenly heavy...
...
...
After that,
i backed to the party,
n i laugh very happily...
like very enjoy the party...
About 11.30pm,
i left...
i felt very very tired...
i stop my car beside the road...
and the sadness that i hold during the party had split out...
Argh!
Hurt!!!!!!!!
sorry Pei Qi,
that night i really can't enjoy...
sorry to her,
coz i not understand her at all...
That day after i sent the gift,
i missed up a chocolate...
and i unblock her and tell her...
and i accidently see...
"Why's like that? We are not good friends? Why you always do not tell me about u?"
i shock...
"i want to tell,
but u never care about me,
what for i tell?"
Valentine's day...
isn't a day to tell the 1 u love about what u feel?
why?......
I prefer become ur lover than ur fren,
if u really unhappy about the decision i made,
then be fren,
but i still will continue to love u,
coz this is what my heart said.
But...
I never thought that u got bf after separated...
im really shocked...
and i feel i will never forgive myself...
i very hate 3rd person...
but now i has become 3rd person!!!!!
I am Living Death now...
and all my self-respect have gone...
I'm failure!!!
i rather die than living...
and until now,
i still can't believe why i still can live until now?
I am suppressed...
Maybe i miss my family and friends,
so i can live until now?
but i just hope that 1 day got 1 car or 1 murderer can kill me...
make me free...
Hahaha...
this day like happen ytd...
perhaps last minutes...
the speech keep on running around my eardrum, my brain...
everyday when i closed my eye,
that night's image fall again...
and a voice whisper in my heart:
"u r failure!
2nd time u have told her still fail!
u r 3rd person!
u will suppress for ur whole life!
u r failure!
coz u hurt her!"
and i keep on speak to myself, strongly:
"i'm 3rd person?
i hate 3rd person and now i'm 3rd person?
why i so stupid until never expect this thing?
i'm late again?
what have i done?
am i wrong again?
i............
..........
....."
Suddenly fail very hate myself...
wan to cut myself...
wan to kill myself...
coz of kindness,
i'm like a fool going around...
coz of kindness,
i missed many chance...
coz of kindness,
i always hurt...
coz of kindness,
i lost my self-respect!
sry...
i cant hold anymore...
thks for ur reply...
i'm tired...
sry...
......................
.............
......
..
this few days passed by very slowly...
everyday i have drunk...
and the taste is bitter and sour...
tiredness make me no want to wake up...
tiredness make me want to rest 4ever...
tiredness make me going to be crazy...
why am i so kind?
i asked myself...
and this question i asked since when i was young...
and now i'm falling into darkness...
and never wake up anymore...
never...
coz 贫血の男 has died...
coz his heart is badly spoiled...
but never regret what he have done for her
~ 贫血の男 's last word ended ~
why i din die?
coz the evil side of me!!
wahahahahahaha!!!!!
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